April 2019 is a month I would never, ever forget. Even though you’re not fortunate enough to have a close-knit family, where every single member of your family is close to each other regardless of differences, still. Treasure them. Take the time to reach out to the family members you haven’t kept in touch with, because you may never know when one of them suddenly disappears from your life for good.
These past few weeks have been completely emotional, event after event of tears, sadness, and frustration all mixed together, pounded one after another. I’ve written a bit about my family in the past before, but I don’t really delve in the details because, you know, I also have a limit on what I want to reveal to the public and what needs to keep private. I have a blog, everything I’ve written here is public, but that doesn’t mean that I should write everything concerning my life in public.
Then again, as many would say, this is the Spring season. Spring means new beginnings, especially, a new beginning of a new life.
My dad’s new life
My father’s new life began officially last weekend, April 14th. The sun has set for my father’s life here on Earth and the sun has risen for him in a much better place. Sadly, this new and much better place isn’t for everyone.
There have been very many people in my life who passed away in the past and I thought that I can remain calm and composed while grieving inside of me. When that particular individual who passed away happened to be someone so close to your family, 1 it’s a whole lot harder. A grief counselor whom I called in my workplace’s HR line suggested that it’s always a good thing to write things out so that everything that’s been bottling up inside of me as a result of my father’s passing would finally exit and I would feel relieved again. It’s not that easy. Even as I’m writing this, I couldn’t help myself but to shed more tears thinking and still trying to sink in that my adventurous social butterfly of my dad has taken a very long vacation. The only thing is that he will be vacationing in peace and will no longer be living with us.
It’s hard for me to write more about how I’m feeling about losing my father, therefore I’ll end it here. Maybe next time I write in this blog again that I would finally be able to write more about him with dignity, pride, and most of all, positivity.
My baby sister’s new life
Last weekend, just five days after my father’s passing, my family and I traveled to L.A. to witness my youngest sister finally tying the knot to her fiance of about 4-5 years. Their wedding preparations became so hectic, stressful, and most of all emotional, and it was all because of our father’s passing. But overall, their wedding turned out to be a whole lot more intimate than your traditional Filipino wedding where couples and families of couples would just go all out with everything. Not this particular wedding.
Originally, the wedding was to take place in September, just like how my middle sister’s wedding five years ago also took place in September. But when my father suddenly fell ill that he couldn’t even function normally as he used to when he was first diagnosed two years ago, she and her fiance moved their date from September to April, so that Dad would be able to make it while he was still somewhat well. Sadly, the cancer cells act quicker than time itself that by the time the wedding was approaching just a week after, Dad’s entire system just couldn’t function anymore, which affected his digestive system, his speech, and lastly, his hearing.
The wedding was very charming, very rustic, very simple, and very intimate. It took place at their new house’s backyard, which was a lot larger and wider than the house itself, and everything was perfectly set with a simple rustic charm. The wedding favors that we received were just a pair of gummy candies, one Japanese and one Filipino, and a cute friendship bracelet-style band that was also a scented mosquito repellant. There were also speeches, not just for the couple, but there were also tributes to our dad as well.
I really feel that my sister made the right choice with her fiance. Just an hour or so before my father passed, she was bringing her fiance to the airport so he can head back to L.A. and finish working on setting up the wedding preparations at their backyard, but when my sis brought the tragic news to her fiance on text, just some 30 minutes later, he returned back to our house, canceling his flight, and remained with us to comfort his bride-to-be and to say goodbye to the man who would become his new father-in-law. Somehow, that moment made me realize how much of a good person he was. We didn’t expect him to cancel his flight just because of our dad’s passing, but he did. That simple act alone confirmed that my sister will be in good hands with him once they tie the knot.
As I’m finishing this short blog entry, Spring truly is a season of new beginnings. It may be a sad beginning, but also a happy beginning. My mom was also pondering on what she would do next, now that Dad is gone. We were all stressed enough with the mourning and then more stress in preparing for the funeral. I’ve never thought how stressful that period is. It’s like preparing for a wedding, except you only have a week or two limits to get things ready.
As for me, I’m also thinking about my future as well. In some ways, it’s a new life for me too. That is, a new life without seeing my father under the same roof as me; a life without conversing with Dad and listening to his hilarious life stories; a life in which I would seriously have to take care of myself and not rely on him anymore.
Maybe I’ll write more after this for this month of April, but as of now, this is all I’ve got to post. I apologize.
