We’re all fans of something, from our special interests, hobbies, and yes, people.
I am not denying that I was a major fan of J-Pop/Showbiz (in general, okay? :P) three years ago, more specifically towards Johnny’s dudes and similar dudes like w-inds., Lead, and so on and so forth. Heck, I was one of the very few fans back in the early 2000’s who had a very huge fan site dedicated to Arashi and I often get recognized by fellow fans for that one fact. Of course, as I grew older, I also grew over it. I admit that I missed those days when I had full dedication in to maintaining the upkeep of my Arashi fan site. For those long time fans who don’t remember, does anyone remember amnosNET?
Anyway, though there are a lot of things I’ve missed of being a fan of Arashi (and just J-Pop/Showbiz in general), and yet there are a lot of things that I seriously don’t miss. The ones that I don’t miss is what I’m writing about in this entry.
Inspired by what happened to my dear friend on her LJ, I thought I’d write a type of LULz-ish entry in dedication (and segregation) between the real fans and the rabid fan girls. In case you’re wondering what I meant by this, not to mention if you have been a long-time J-Pop/Showbiz/Drama fan, you’ll probably can guess.
Fan boys not applied. You dudes got much respect to your idols— save the perverted ones who think the entire Morning Musume unit should be a harem. >__>
For all the wrongly abused and hated fans out there, this is for your LULz. Here me ROAR!
You Are a Rabid Fan Girl MOST J-Pop/Showbiz (Male) Idols Want to Avoid if…
- You declare to the entire world (via online or even in print) that you are the destined wife of (some idol’s name) and curse the rest of the fan girls to die.
- You sell all your life and soul to the devil eBay for the Super Fan Girl/(Idol’s Name)’s Future Wife Fund.
- If you are Japanese, you’ll run away from home simply so you can find your new home across the street from your favorite idol’s home or apartment complex. If you are a foreigner, you ignore the costs of hotel reservations and be a wanna be Woodstocker bum, right across the street from your favorite idol’s home or apartment complex.
- You would wholeheartedly jump over the heights of a school building, the Rainbow Bridge, Mt. Fuji, Tokyo Tower, or even going far, the Ushiku Daibutsu (and other high places in Japan) just because you’ve read some ridiculous rumor about your idol published by the tabloid likes of Friday and Bubka. If the rumor turns out to be true, you would either stop being that idol’s fan, hunt the guilty tramp who ruined your idol’s reputation in public, or you’d just simply go through that ceremonial seppuku thinking you are honorably killing yourself because of this particular news. Are you saying you’re more honorable than your idol? Tsk, tsk…
- You think kawaii is the premiere Japanese word every foreign fan girl should know. In reality, male Japanese in general don’t like to be called kawaii. Sure, there are kawaii babies, kawaii pets, kawaii kids, kawaii things, kawaii girls, and kawaii moments, but never a kawaii ikemen-esque Japanese dude. Of course, I could be wrong with this because that depends on the “manliness” of that individual dude… O_O Learn some real Japanese, foo!
- Japanese in general like foreigners. It’s the same with many Americans, who also like foreigners, Canadians, Australians, British, French, German, you get the idea. Just because a Japanese male idol says that he likes foreigners, that doesn’t mean he prefers a foreign girl to date or even marry in comparison to a Japanese female. For a typical foreign fan girl, like = marry. Sure, any Japanese male idol may marry a foreign girl. The thing is, it’s not going to be you.
- You buy several units of uchiwa fans, not because they’re breakable when used often during the summer to cool yourself down, but so you can make a mess out of them by pasting pictures of your favorite idol or write/paste incorrectly-written kana or kanji of that idol’s name. You would bring them to the concerts or you’d decide to rip other fan girls off by selling them at a price higher than the original.
- You’re desperate to get in to the stadium and get tickets to watch your favorite idol perform or have a guest appearance at a public signing. When you learn you got ripped off by an unreliable scalper, you do the same trick yourself by ripping off another fan girl by selling off your fake tickets to that girl.
- You declare war with other fan girls who aren’t fans of your favorite idol. You insist that your idol is better than theirs that you’d egg them, TP’d (tissue paper) them, and if this were an online all-out drama war, flood their blogs and their LJs and such with so much hatred like your life depends on it.
- You declare war with fellow fan girls who like the same idol as you and consider them your enemies, even the ones who only admire that idol for that idol’s talent or the determination and personality of that idol.
- You declare war with the idol/actress cast opposite your favorite actor in a drama or a movie. What the heck for? Haven’t you realized that acting is also a job position? Like everyday working people, they’re also working to eat and live too. You don’t now these actresses as people, so back off.
- You write numerous fan mail to that same idol with some occasional gifts like a burned CD of your favorite love songs or some— unmentionables— even if you know your idol would never read them, let alone receive them.
- You write fanfiction about your favorite idol… except the main girl “coincidentally” has the same name as yours. Mary Sue, anyone?
- You sign up for an IM account, a blog/LJ account, or a forum account that has your first name and your idol’s last name. That’s not the bad thing though. The bad thing is that your attitude takes your user name so seriously that you do all you can to convince other fan girls that you are *the* future wife of your favorite idol. Go figure.
- You build a fansite dedicated to that idol… except the contents mainly consist of you and your elaborate dreams of becoming your idol’s future wife rather than actual facts, news, updates, and information about that idol. Wait… are those Photoshop-edited images of your idol and a familiar idol girl’s body but pasted with your face in it…? O__O;
- You post up an ad at some J-Pop/Showbiz Fans online forum seeking for an online native Japanese friend, not because you want that person to be your friend, but to gain hookups and use that person to “get the latest news” about your idol (so you can show off to the rest of the fans by posting that news first online) or get that person to buy you stuff (so you can show off to the rest of the fans by posting pics of yourself and your goodies making a fool of yourself).
- A very rare occasion, but it definitely does happen. You’re so rabid that sometimes you even consider yourself the “same person” as your favorite idol. In turn, you sign up on IMs, sign up in forums and anything similar, thinking that you’re that idol to throw other fan girls off. It’s a mystery why fan girls would do this, but it’s not like something significant might happen to you in relation to your favorite idol.
- You make up nicknames or code names for your favorite idol, only to learn later that your favorite idol may not even like nicknames or just prefer a personal nickname they own. Show some respect, people. x_x
- You buy whatever luxury item as your favorite idol. That includes the cellphone strap and the idol’s MD (minidisc) player, which I think is already out of style…? O_o; Buy an iPod or an iPhone or something…
- You buy the same label of clothes as your idol, even if they’re strictly for men.
- You go around online claiming that you know a friend who’s friends with a friend of a friend of your favorite idol. You also go around online claiming that you are friends with a friend who is a relative of your favorite idol. Obviously this is hard to believe, but if you really are a true friend of that friend who may be friends with your favorite idol, shouldn’t you be a real friend by RESPECTING the privacy of your friend that has connections with your favorite idol? If you really have friends who are related or friends with your favorite idol, then SHUT UP! >.>
- You’ve got so much love that you decided to translate and subtitle every single show, movie, concert, appearance, or news (magazine)-type of talk shows you can get your hands on where your favorite idol is featured. Good for you, you’ve got some good grasp of the Japanese. We all know that you have little to no patience editing and proofreading your translations (as in grammar, spelling, sentence structure (heavens forbid it’s NOT the same as Japanese sentence structure!) or even double-checking to be sure that your translations are actually correct, nor that you couldn’t care less of forming a team where it takes a village to present a well-translated and interpreted subtitled edition of that video clip. Oh, and what’s with the useless sidenotes? No one cares if you’re “married” to that idol and you want the actress opposite him to drop dead.
- You vowed yourself to be an idol tarento (talent) in Japan. Just like Hollywood, it’s not easy to get in to showbiz just like that as agency professionals can immediately determine that you are a typical fan girl only using this opportunity to get close to your favorite idol. You are not Leah Dizon (Pinay pride, FTW~! :P), Beni Arashiro, Hikaru Utada, Crystal Kay, Minami Barges, or Riisa Naka and heck’s for sure these agencies aren’t interested in you just because you look pretty and perky. What happened to the tarento part of you?
I’m pretty sure I’m exaggerating, but even if that was the case, they actually happen. Real fans stick together and unite, sharing their common interests and thoughts about their favorite idol (singer, whatever). Rabid fan girls seem to see each other as competitors and end up on a Battle Royale and see which one would be the last standing. I know there’s a whole lot more, but these are the only ones I can think of from my head. As a warning to those who feel offense with this article, there will eventually be more, so if I were you, I’d laugh rather than get offended and declare war against a sarcastic fan like myself.
Oh, for those who find delight in this article, please feel free to add more by commenting. ^_^