As of this writing, I’m still stuck at 2019 until probably in some 16 hours. However, tomorrow from where I live is the first day of the new decade, 2020. I wouldn’t call this particular entry a recap of the entire year because I would be repeating myself. But, I can make up for all the missing months/days that I’ve done so far after the autumn season. A lot of changes. Some of the changes I’ve made may be a huge leap for me. It’s a big risk. But I am eager and dying to start this new decade with a new life.
In the main house, it’s only me and my mom. We’re both occupied with our own things but we always make our time to do things together. I had my drive to get into my personal coding bootcamps and practicing digital art. My mom has her Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, (badly Tagalog-dubbed) K-Dramas, and Robbie.
After Christmas, my siblings all gave my mom and me the same gifts: free movie tickets. Our 25-screen movie theater is only a walking distance away from our house, but Mom no longer has the energy to simply walk at long distances, so we’ll just drive there. On December 23, when my sister and her husband from L.A. arrived to visit us for Christmas, they treated us out for a movie to watch the last Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker movie. I have to watch the precedent movies, namely Star Wars: The Last Jedi and the spinoffs such as Rogue One and Solo on Netflix. My mom still couldn’t connect the dots, but I was able to do it for her.
For Christmas, my middle sister and her husband hosted their first Christmas Party ever. Dad would’ve loved that day, my sister and husband really went all-out with their decks and their dinner menu. It was absolutely beautiful, and I’m glad they spared us from the pressures of party hosting. My parents and I were always the ones who hosted our latest Christmas party events, so this was a fresh change.
Also, this Christmas was the first time I’ve given something to my family without spending so much money. 1 I gave each couple and my mom a watercolor starmap digital fan art print, showing the constellation lineups on the day of their weddings. For my mom, it was for her wedding day with my dad. I had to do this as a way of honoring my father’s spirit.
Here’s a mockup display of the starmap print that I made for one of my relatives:
Somehow, this gave me the confidence that I can probably open a side job of creating digital art and sell printouts to people. Sure, I would need some money to bulk-purchase some frames that can protect the printouts. I’ll worry about that later, since I don’t know how I’m going to do it anyway.
So, I took a huge leap. I left my part-time job of some 5 years early December. I’m completely exhausted mentally and I just can’t handle being stuck in this non-coding job that pays me very little. I know I don’t have anything ready behind me, as I’m still struggling to get myself motivated to learning code and build my own projects that doesn’t mix up with my current hobbies and fandoms, but seriously, I’m done. Over with it.
I know my dad would be angry with me for quitting a job without any backup plans to get back into the job market right away, but I do hope that somewhere out there, he would understand why I had to quit. I can already foresee the toll that is going to fall onto me if I get myself stuck in this job. I had to break free and let me rest and clear my mind. I know I haven’t been talking about it or writing about it, but I thought that I would just keep this to myself and not force myself to reveal it to anyone 2 because I don’t want to be judged based on this simple change. People should understand that I don’t have the same mindset as “the norms”.
Whether making this move was a mistake or a blessing, I’ll find that out soon enough. But right now, I had to do this.
2019 was the most painful, roughest year that I had. Sure, I had some “recovery” events that happened that would help me lift up my spirits again, but sometimes I get back to being depressed again whenever I think about my dad, especially when we visit him occasionally at the cemetery. I know eventually, we’ll get used to it, but for some people who don’t understand, one day, a family tragedy will happen. Once it happens, you’ll realize how difficult it is going through a major loss of a loved one.
So, I’m going to end this blog entry right here.
Happy New Year, all.