My last attempt in to getting back in Arashi fandom is to rebuild AMNOS.net and maintain it as much as I can. As of recent, I renewed the domain for two years (well, let’s give it two years), so the domain is active again. I just need some kind of content to put in there to let them know of its eventual return. Then again, will it actually return?
Ever since I returned… or rather… trying to fit in to the Arashi fandom, I realized to myself that it’s pretty much impossible now. Heard of the saying of “Once you become something (or someone), you’ll always be that something (or someone.”? Well, in the case of Arashi fandom (and probably any J-idol fandom in general), once you become an Arashi fan and then go on a long-period hiatus due to whatever reason (regardless if it was a very important reason or you just simply lost interest), you can never come back again.
What can I say? I realized that I’m a very different fan from most of the (global) fans, which is probably why it’s difficult for me to re-adjust myself to the rest of the fandom. I don’t spazz around with other fans or roleplay pretending that I’m with my favorite Arashi member, I don’t go kyaa! or squee! or honto kawaaaiiii da~!! whenever I see something cool or adorable with Arashi (or any other J-idol for that matter), I don’t declare and bitch at other fan girls telling them that I’m (insert male J-idol’s name here)’s wife or something (get a grip, people!), I don’t write most of my entries dedicated to my eternal fangirlism towards Arashi… I just don’t do stuff that most Arashi fans of today do. And because of these differences, should that limit me in to “fitting in” with the general Arashi fandom? Many of you would probably say that it shouldn’t, but then again I know that many of you have never been in my shoes before (as in a long-time fan who goes on hiatus for a year or so and return back to fandom again), so save the pep talk…
I know this is such a pathetic entry, but I can’t help feeling sad about it. So many of my friends from the past are no longer around, and those who I reunited with seem to be somewhat on the same shoes as I am, only that they’re more of avoiding the mass fandom communities rather than trying to be in it. It’s not that it’s a bad thing, but I always thought that fandom shouldn’t have any requirements just so fellow fans would acknowledge you. Nowadays, it seems that in order for other fans to acknowledge you that you have to show them something that would seriously give you attention… or rather, give them something in exchange for attention and close access. I don’t know what it is with some fans’ behavior nowadays. It’s like they blatantly act like obsessive stalkers for the sake of everyone else around them. It’s like a person doing something they did not want to do just because everyone does it.
So now, where do I stand? Am I already at the freeter stage of fandom? Will I ever steer clear of communities and forums as of this date?
Only way to find out, I guess… stay longer and if there’s no success, then move on to the next stage.